Only black people go on a vacation and leave the lights on
just to confuse the neighbours.

Dear mother-in-law please dont tell me how to raise my kids.
Im married to one of yours
believe me there’s room for improvement.

I forgot to zip up my trouser, so a lady told me politely, “sir your garage is open” I gave her naughty smile as I zip up and asked, “Did you see my RANGE ROVER parked inside?” The lady smiles back and said “no just one small TOYOTA with two Flat tyres.
I’m still crying

My gf was scruitinising my phone n now she is boiling water i think she wants to make me sum nice tea…. I can’t wait!!!

I’ve just killed a mosquito that bitten Me 5 years Ago 😬
.
That N*gga thought I forgot his face

I received a call in the morning and the conversation was like this:
Me: hallo
Caller: do you have a heart?
Me: yes
Caller: do you have intestines?
Me: yes I do
Caller: OK am coming to take them..

He hung up.. Eeee I was like damn wat is happening to me. Am I dreaming??
He called again after some minutes..
Me (scared) :ha hallo!
Caller: hey sorry my brother, I thought I was calling the butcher , sorry wrong number my friend…

He hung up..

I was driving Range Rover in my dream last night until
someone slapped me and said ”
stop pushing the bed to the kitchen

I Think My Loan Shark Wants To Play Baseball With Me
He’s At The Gate Holding A Baseball Bat.

Today I went to school in a taxi
DRIVER : I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do he said! 😎😎😎.
After a few seconds I said : TURN LEFT !!!!!!!