टीचर – “बेटा, अगर सच्चे दिल से
भगवान से प्रार्थना की जाये
तो वो जरूर सफल होती है !”
स्टूडेंट – “रहने दो सर,
अगर ऐसा होता तो आप मेरे
सर नहीं, ससुर होते… !!!”
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Sub Categories
दिल की धड़कन का क्या है साहेब
अगर बैंक का कैशियर 2 हज़ार का नोट 2 बार पलट के देख लो तो भी रुक जाती है
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बोली
कसम खा तेरे जीते जी कोई मेरी सौत ना होवैगी …
मखा
सुणले जो हमनै जुदा करै वा मेरी मौत ही होवैगी
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गले लाग कै रोण लाग्गी … रोड छाप शायरी मैं तो बड्डे बड्डे इम्प्रैस कर दिए , आई बड़ी शायर … 😎
( छोह मैं आवैगी तूं जाणूं हूं … पर मैं एक कॉमेडी पेज का ऐडमिन हूं या तूं बी जाणैं है , या लास्ट आली लाइन ना लिखदा तो झकौई मन्नैं ट्रोल करण लाग जांदे … 💏
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टेंशन में थी सोच रही थी क्या करूँ😕
फिर मंदिर चली गई लोगों के जूते-चप्पल मिक्स कर दिए अब उन लोगों को देख रही हूं
टेंशन गायब
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पति घबराया हुआ घर आया और पत्नी से बोला :-
सुनो, आज मैं आ ही रहा था कि रास्ते में एक कुत्ता…..
इतने में छोटी बेटी बोल पड़ी :- मम्मी, भैया ने मेरी गुड़िया तोड़ दी
पति ने फिर से बोलना शुरु किया :-
हां तो मैं कह रहा था कि रास्ते में एक कुत्ता…
अबकी बार बेटा बोल पड़ा:-
नहीं मम्मी, पहले छुटकी ने मेरी कार तोड़ी…..
पत्नी :- भगवान के लिए तुम दोनों चुप रहो…..
पहले मुझे *”कुत्ते”* की बात सुन लेने दो……
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Isang araw habang namamasyal cna juan at pedro ay napadaam cla sa isang bakery
Pedro: Juan tignan mo tong gagawin ko para makita mo na mas magaling ako sau
Juan: cge
kumuha ng 3 pirasong pandesal c Pedro nang hnd man lng napapancn ng tindera. Agad niya itong bnulsa.
Pedro: oh db? Npakagaling ko ni hnd man lng aq npancn ng mtnda?
Juan: wala ka naman pla eh! Mas mgaling ako sau manuod ka
kinausap ni juan ang tindera
juan: ale may ipapakita po akong magic sau bgyan mo lng po ako ng isang pandesal
Ale: cge (bngyan ng ale c juan ng pandesal)
Kinain ni Juan ang pandesal.
Muling humingi c Juan at muling ngbgay ang ale. Kinain ulit ito ni Juan. Muli na namang nanghingi c Juan at knain ulit ito
Ale: nsaAn ang magic sa ginawa mo?
Juan: tingnan nyo po ang bulsa ni Pedro nandoon po ang pandesal na binigay ninyo.
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जब भी पहचान बताने को बोलो , जवाब आता है …
शक क्यों करते हो मैनें आपसे कभी कुछ मांगा क्या … आपकी कसम मैं लड़की हूं .
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मैथ टीचर ने एक बच्चे से सवाल पूछा :- मान लो तुम्हारी भैंस ने दूध नही दिया और तुम्हे घर आए मेहमानों को चाय पिलानी है तो क्या करोगे … ?
बच्चा बोला … जी बजार से दूध ले आंउगा …
टीचर ( मुस्कुराते हुए ) :- वैरी गुड , अच्छा मान लो घर की भैंस का दूध पड़ता है बियालिस रुपये किलो , और बजार से मिलता है साड्डे बावन रुपये किलो … तुमने दूध लिया डेढ़ पाव , और दूध वाले नें उसमें पैंसठ ग्राम पानी मिला रखा था … तो बताओ तुम्हे कुल कितना नुक्सान हुआ … ?
जवाब ना देने पर मास्टर ने उस बच्चे को धूप में मुर्गा बना दिया …
अब दूसरे छात्र से वही सवाल पूछा …
छात्र बोला जी अपणे ताऊ के घर तै दूध लिआऊंगा …
टीचर बोला :- मान लो उनके घर भी दूध नही है तो …
छात्र :- जी पड़ोस आली चाची तै दूध मांग लूंगा …
टीचर चिढ़ के :- अगर उनके घर भी ना मिला तो …
छात्र :- मास्टर जी सारे गाम मैं हांड जाउंगा दूध मांगण खातर , ना मिलया तो मेहमाना तै नींबू पाणी प्या दूंगा … पर बजार तै मोल कोनी ल्यांऊ … मन्नैं धूप मैं मुर्गा ना बणना ..
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दो बात उनके खिलाफ क्या लिखदी … शपथग्रहण समारोह मैं बी ना बुलाया ,
मैं बी ऐडमिन हूं बिन बुलाए मैं बी ना गया …
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WORDS OF ELDERS*
“Beware of the naked person who offers you clothes!
“When one’s goat get missing, the aroma of a neighbor’s soup get
suspicious”.
“The future belongs to the Risk takers, Not the Comfort seekers!”
“A deaf husband and a blind wife are always a happy couple!”
“The first person you think of in the morning, or last person you think of at night, is either the cause of your happiness or your pain!”
“Be careful who you trust! Salt and Sugar are both white!”
“Kindness is like butter, it works best when you spread it around!”
“The walls don’t only have ears, they now see!”
“Sometimes, you have to play the role of a fool to fool the fools who thinks they are fooling you!”
“If you have a mom, there is nowhere you are likely to go where a prayer has not already been!”
“A harsh man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful, when her lips are closed!”
“No matter how long the night, the day is sure to come!”
“A woman’s greatest perfume is the fragrance of her man’s success!”
“A wise person knows that there is something to be learned from
everyone!”
“It requires wisdom to understand wisdom.
The music is nothing, if the audience is deaf”!
“None of us is as smart as all of us. Work together to achieve!!!
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*MATHEMATICS EXAM PAPER*
*Time*: *3Hrs 30MINS*
*INSTRUCTIONS:*
1 *_ATTEMPT ALL QUESTIONS_*
2 *_ALL QUESTIONS CARRY EQUAL MARKS_*
*1.* You are a married man and you have dated somebody’s wife for *two* years, busy spending on her like there is no tomorrow. eventually she drops you and concentrates on her innocent husband. Calculate the percentage of time wasted. *(20 marks)*
*2.* You bought a phone for your friend’s wife and she gave it to her husband. Using trigonometric identities, derive a general formula for this type of love. *(20 marks)*
*3. For Men* You’re dating around 15 ladies and every lady is demanding for a Samsung Galaxy and an iPhone 6s
*(a)* Plot a graph of detoothers against prices of phones. *(15marks)*
*(b)* Use your graph to estimate your future poverty *(5marks)*
*(c)* Plot the percentage shame against volume of apologies to your family members. *(5 Mks)*
*4.* You are whatsapping and face booking other peoples’ wives yet you don’t want to see your wife on social networks. Calculate the Percentage Error in your Thinking Capacity. *(20 marks)*
*5.* You are a *civil servant*, your wife is a petty trader, your combined household income is less than $500. Your daughter who is awaiting A level results is using iPhone 6s and Samsung Galaxy worth $800 each. Calculate the Percentage of your Parental Negligence. *(20 marks)*
*6. *For ladies* You’re a married woman and you have dated 20 guys with hard labour, use the law of diminishing returns to calculate the substance that will be left for your husband to enjoy. *(20 marks)*
*7.* You can’t give your wife $2for sitshebo, but you spend over $20 in bars and restaurant.
Calculate the radius of your ‘stupidity’, take π=3.142 *(20 marks)*
ALL THE BEST
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Don’t let anyone define you.
You are who U are because of
YOUR own experiences in YOUR life.
They haven’t walked in YOUR shoes;
they haven’t overcome YOUR obstacles.
If you’re true to yourself then you are being true
to the most important person in your life.
There is something beautiful in everyday of Ur life
U just have to find it.
Search for the Positive & let go of the Negative.
Life gives two gifts. 1st is “Chance” & 2nd is “Choice”
Chance to meet many people in life &
Choice to select the Best ones for life.
So Select the ones U want in Ur Life &
Let go of the ones who don’t appreciate U
cos in the End what matters is only YOU & no one else.
we wish you a Marvelous weekend full of happiness.
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I was invited to a wedding, when i reached the hotel i found two doors written
*1 . bride relatives*
*2. Groom relatives*
I entered the one written groom relatives and found two more doors
*1 . ladies*
*2. men*
I went through the one for men only to find two more doors
*1 . people with gifts*
*2. people without gift*
I went through the one one written people without gifts and found myself outside the hotel through the back door at the door it was written
*_”So in this time of hard economy you want to just come, eat and drink without any gift, no way”_*
Don’t laugh please share 😂😂😂😂
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`Z’hlobo zami ngithanda ukubonga uJehova ngoba amakhaza angifice sengiqedile iSyllabus yokugeza umzimba wonke. KuJune noJuly ngizobe ngenza nje ama revision lapha nalaphaya, ngigeza ubuso nenyawo nokwesula amakhwapha!“
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Lady and gentleman on a train.
Lady: Every time you smile,
I feel like inviting you to my place.
Gentleman: 😍 Awwww. . .. Are you single ?
Lady: No, I am a Dentist….
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“A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking,
but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful,
when her lips are closed..!”
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