Mom: How make chicken
Daughter: What?
Mom: Where buy chicken
Daughter: Mom, this isn’t Google.
Mom: Avocado

I saw a driver texting and driving.

It made me so mad I threw my beer at him.

Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “No, listen carefully… If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven.”
Teacher: “Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Six.”
Teacher: “Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?”
Johnny: “Seven!”
Teacher: “Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!”
Johnny: “Because I’ve already got a freaking cat!”

My friend thinks he is smart.
He told me an onion is the only food
that makes you cry,
so I threw a coconut at his face.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”

Person 1: Hey Rachyl, do you remember me?

Person 2: Wrong number.

Person 1: What’s your number then?

Difference Between Frnd & Wife.
U Can Tell Ur Frnd- You Are My Best Frnd.
But Do U Hav Courage Tell 2 Ur Wife- U R My Best Wife?

Girl Got Selected And Boy Failed In Interview By Same Reason. They Both Were Wearing Shirts With Two Top Buttons Opened Before The CEO.