Why I Fired My Secretary I woke up early, feeling depressed because it was my birthday, and I thought,”I’m another year older,” but decided to make the best of it. So I showered and shaved, knowing when I went down to breakfast my wife would greet me with a big kiss and say, “Happy birthday, dear. ” All smiles, I went in to breakfast, and there sat my wife, reading her newspaper, as usual. She didn’t say one word. So I got myself a cup of coffee, made some toast and thought to myself, “Oh well,she forgot. The kids will be down in a few minutes, smiling and happy, and they will sing ‘Happy Birthday’ and have a nice gift for me. ” There I sat, enjoying my coffee, and I waited. Finally, the kids came running into the kitchen,yelling, “Give me a slice of toast! I’m late! Where is my coat? I’m going to miss the bus! ” Feeling more depressed than ever, I left for the office. When I walked into the office, my secretary greeted me with a great big smile and a cheerful “Happy birthday, boss. ” She then asked if she could get me some coffee. Her remembering my birthday made me feel a whole lot better. Later in the morning, my secretary knocked on my office door and said, “Since it’s your birthday, why don’t we have lunch together? ” Thinking it would make me feel better, I said, “That’s a good idea. ” So we locked up the office, and since it was my birthday, I said, “Why don’t we drive out of town and have lunch in the country instead of going to the usual place? ” So we drove out of town and went to a little out-of-the-way inn and had a couple of martinis and an ice lunch. We started driving back to town, when my secretary said, “Why don’t we go to my place, and I will fix you another martini. ” It sounded like a good idea, since we didn’t have much to do in the office. So we went to her apartment, and she fixed us some martinis. After a while, she said, “If you will excuse me, I think I will slip into something more comfortable,” and she left the room. In a few minutes, she opened her bedroom door and came out carrying a big birthday cake. Following her were my wife and all my kids. And there I sat with nothing on but my socks.”

Wife: Our new neighbour always kisses his wife
when he goes to work,
why don’t you do that?
Husband: How can I ?
I don’t even know her.

A pregnant lady went to an astrologer.
Astrologer: When u deliver a baby, baby’s father will die.
Lady: Thank god! My husband is safe.

My GF asked me today For my facebook password, . . .
We laughed and laughed and laughed… . .
Now Im single.

When your girlfriend say ” I’m out with my friends” and you ask her which ones? And she says “You don’t know them” 🙁
.
My brother you better be prepared, you might as well start processing the break-up papers. She’s cheating sham

5 ways for a Woman to be
completely happy.
1. Be with a man that makes
you laugh
2. Be with a man that gives you
his time
3. Be with a man that takes
care of you
4. Be with a man that really
loves you
5. Most important, make sure
these four men dont know
each other.

LADIES!!! LADIES!!! LADIES!!!
Wife: Honey, someone is beeping to your
phone
Husband: Who is that, would u check for
me?
Wife: No problem honey
(wife pulls phone from a charger and
checks the one who beeped)
Wife: What!!!!!? Who is this one you
saved…beautiful in your phone!!!?
Husband: Me!!!? There is no such name in
ma phone, let me see…..
Wife: See what, you know her, she is your
girlfriend… You are a cheat!!!
Husband: My sweetest wife, this is not
beautiful, its batteryfull

1. Girls who don’t wear half naked to get
boys attention…
2. Girls who don’t ask too much……
3. Girls who don’t post half naked pics to
get many likes on facebook…..
4. Girls that don’t sleep with every guy……
Do we still have such girls?……………
Yes or No..

The Japanese are obsessed with quality
and safety.
A safety warning notice for female
workers in a Japanese factory reads as
follows:
*If your skirt is long,*
*stay away from the Engines.*
*And If it is short,*
*stay away from the Engineers.*

When you build a house let your wife
decorate the ceiling, she has seen more
ceiling designs than you