She asked me: “What do u do for a living?” Then I replied: “I analyse and invest in highly risky business opportunities that has the possibilities of high returns, I deal with investing in business opportunities across England, Spain, Italy, Germany, France etc.” She was so excited but she never knew…. . . . I was talking about Soccer Betting

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Lee’s wife, Sue, wasn’t wearing any underwear. Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Lee’s wife, Sue, followed and asked, ‘Did you see anything that you like under there?’

Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, he did.

Sue said, ‘Well, you can have it but it will cost you $250.’

Jim confirmed that he is very interested. Sue told him that since her husband Lee played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn’t, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Lee’s house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum, they went to the bedroom, and Sue gave him a flipping great time. Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Lee came home from golf at 6 p.m. and upon arriving, asked his wife: ‘Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?’

With a lump in her throat Sue answered, ‘Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.’ Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, ‘Did he give you $250?

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, ‘Well, yes, in fact he did.’

Lee, with a satisfied look on his face, continued, ‘Good. He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $250 from me. He promised he’d stop by this afternoon and pay it back.’

Now THAT, my friends, is how poker should be played…

At the creche where I work, there is a little girl named Vicky. She is so cute and sweet.👼
Yesterday, just before knocking off, I found her busy, trying to put on her shoes.👢
I approached her, and offered to help her. It was such a torrid time. The boots seamed to be smaller than her size. It took me 5 minutes to help her wear them. When we were done, after making a steps away from her, she called me said “Teacher, you made me wear banana”. 🍌 When I looked at her shoes, to my embarrassment, I realised I had misplaced her shoes – the banana style.😱
Upon trying to take off the shoes again, it took me 3 minutes. After struggling so much I eventually managed to remove them and tried putting them on again, this time the correct way. However, it was more difficult than the first time.
When I finished, she said: “Teacher, these shoes are not mine!”
I really got angry, but since I work with little kids, I had to be patient and control my anger. I struggled to remove the shoes. I then asked Vicky where her own shoes were and this is what she said:
“These shoes belong to my sister, my mum is the one who made me wear them in the morning today”.
This time I boiled in anger. But since I always do my job perfectly and whole heartedly, I helped her to put on the shoes again. When we were done, Vicky pulled another shocker, yet again. “What about the socks, teacher?” she asked.
I wondered whether I should laugh or cry.😡
Politely and swiftly I asked her, “Where are the socks Vicky?”
She innocently replied: “I shoved them in my shoes, they are in front of my toes”
I simply resigned!

Afta 10yrs of mariage.
Wife: Hie
Hubby: Hie
Wife: Did u eat?
Hubby: Did u eat?
Wife: Are u coping me, uyanglungisela?
Hubby: Are u coping me, uyanglungisela?
Wife: I love u.
Hubby: Yes, i have already ate!

Why is a bachelor skinny
and a married man fat?
-The Bachelor comes
home, takes one look at
what’s in the refrigerator,
…and goes to bed.
-The Married man
comes home,takes one
look at what’s in the bed
and goes to refrigerator

TEACHER: Nyaa, you should stop making ugly faces at other students

Nyaa: Why?

TEACHER: Because when I was young I was told if I make ugly face it will stay that way

Nyaa: Well, I see you didnt listen..

A man from Venda resigned from work
after winning lotto in dreams

BAE means Bills And Expenses!!!!!

Dont argue with me

That Moment When Your Chatting With Bae On
Whatsapp And Facebook But Ka Different Topic

When Your Crush Breaks Up With Her Boyfriend And
Hits You With A “Hey Stranger”🙆

Ladies, Are Guys With Six Packs Still A Thing For You
Or You’ve Grown Up Now??

Today Is National “Animal Day” Please Take A Moment To
Remember Your Ex!!

That Annoying Moment When You Are Standing There Alone
Like A Lost Puppy While
Your Friend Talks To Someone You Don’t Know

Your phone camera is not the problem.
You’re just ugly like the rest of us. Simple.

Double heart attack message from my girl to me today:
1st SMS : Let’s break up now, it’s all over.
2nd SMS:sorry,sorry,sorry!That was not for you