A Zimbabwean policeman stops at a ranch in rural Mvurwi and talks with an old farmer.

He tells the farmer, ‘I need to inspect your farm for illegally grown drugs.’ The old farmer says, ‘Okay, but don’t go in that field over there.’ The policeman verbally explodes saying,
‘Mister, I have the authority of the State with me.’ Reaching into his rear pant pocket and removing his ID. The policeman proudly displays it to the farmer. ‘See this ID? This ID means I am allowed to go wherever I wish..on any land. No questions asked or answers given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?’

The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old farmer hears loud screams and sees the police running for his life and close behind is the farmer’s bull. With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer. The police is clearly terrified. The old farmer immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs…..

“Your ID! SHOW HIM YOUR ID!”

A horny guy when proposing to an ugly chick be like:
“I hate to say this but I love you..!”

I am not perfect but at least i don’t call pastors and their wives mommy and daddy..!

A man’s ears are SELECTIVE:
.
Example:
When a woman says:
This house is a mess, Honey
You and I need to clean this,
Your stuff are all on the floor,
You will be without clothes If u don’t wash them NOW.
The man’s ears only understands:
bla, bla, bla, Honey
bla, bla, bla, You and I
bla, bla, bla, on the floor
bla, bla, bla, without clothes
bla, bla, bla, NOW

If u pay me a visit and I go to toilet u must clap your hands until
I come back ..am tired of thieves

Husband (text): Babe I was in an accident. I got hit by a car. Zinhle took me to the hospital.
I have a dislocated shoulder and the doctors say I may never walk again…
.
.
Wife: Baby, who the hell Zinhle???
.
.
Girls 😂😂😂

Those people who buzz with a private number
Deserve high five in the face with a brick

Just Got A Reply From A Slender Girl Whom I Inboxed Before 3 February ..
..
Sorry I’ve Lost Interest it’s Winter🤣 😂

When you accidentally hit an old lady with a stone
then she picks it up and puts it inside her bag

My neighbour just bought a microwave 😂
they even warm up artchar before eating

Until you’re legally married.
don’t live with a man, visit and go back home
so others can visit too!

When you try to talk in a taxi and they give you a halls and
say eat this first you’ll talk after

Son: Daddy , I Fell In Love And Want To Date This Awesome Girl

Daddy : That’s Great Son , Who Is She ?

Son : it’s Lerato , The Neighbors Daughter.

Daddy: Ohhh I wish you hadn’t said that , I have to tell you something son but you promise not to tell your mom, Lerato is actually your sister

The Boy is naturally bummed out, but a couple of months later

Son:” Dad , I fell in love again and she’s is even hotter!”

Daddy: That’s great son , who is she ?

son : it’s Busi , The other neighbor’s daughter

Daddy: Ohh I wish I hadn’t said that , Busi Makhubo is also your sister . This Went on couple of times and son was so mad , He went straight to his Mother crying 😭

Son : Mum I am so mad at dad !!! I fell in love with Six Girls but I can’t date any of them because dad is their father !!

Mum(Huge him affectionately And Says): My Love ,You Can date Whoever you want . He isn’t your father…!!!

If You Expect Me To Stay Away From Your Bae

Do It First And Show Me How To Do It, Lead By Example