If ur boyfriend has time for u during the night…
U are dating a mosquito
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If ur boyfriend has time for u during the night…
U are dating a mosquito
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I dreamed my ancestors singing (asiphelelanga)
I had to wake up quickly before they mention that who left
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Mr and Mrs had two sons one was called mind your own business and the other one is trouble
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Familie*The Kasama Brothel*
The madam opened the brothel door in Kasama and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties.
“May I help you sir?” she asked.
“I want to see Mwansa,” the man replied.
“Sir, Mwansa is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else”, said the madam.
“No, I must see Mwansa,” he replied.
Just then, Mwansa appeared and announced to the man she charged K5000 a visit.
Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand Kwacha and gave it to Mwansa, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.
The next night, the man appeared again, once more demanding to see Mwansa. Mwansa explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row, as she was so expensive.
There were no discounts. The price was still K5000. Again, the man pulled out the money, gave it to Mwansa, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.
The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Mwansa and they went upstairs.
After their session, the man asked Mwansa to sign a receipt that she had received K15000. She was astonished nevertheless signed on the receipt and said to the man, “No one has ever been with me three nights in a row and for sure this is the first time anyone has asked me to sign a receipt. Where are you from?”
The man replied, “Chipata.”
“Really”, she said. “I have family in Chipata.”
“I know.” the man said.
“Your sister died, and I’m her solicitor. I was instructed to deliver you K15,000 inheritance in person.”
Three things in life are certain.
1. Death
2. Being screwed by a lawyer
3. Wise men come from the east.
********************
If you have any question ask me
Another wiseman
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Life does not have any hand but sometimes it surely gives you a slap
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At a wedding ceremony the pastor asked if there was anyone who had any reason why the marriage shouldn’t go on; it was time to stand up and speak, or forever let them hold their peace.
*The moment of utter silence was interrupted by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started slowly walking toward the pastor*.
Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom’s mother fainted. The bridal trail scooted towards the door.The groom’s men huddled together like a bereaved flock, wondering how best to help save the situation.
The pastor asked the woman, “Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?”
*The woman replied, “I can’t hear from the back.*
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Girls be like “men are dogs,men are dogs”now you are pregnant with a baby boy and you are starting to say “my handsome child” no my sister that’s puppy
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WAKE UP PARENTS*
Years back, *poor illiterate parents* produced
Doctors,
Engineers,
Scientists,
Accountants,
Lawyers,
Architects,
Professors.., Teachers , Nurses, etc whom I will refer to as *Group ‘A’*.
These *Group ‘A’* Children struggled on their own after Primary 6 or Grade 12, to become notable personalities. Most of them
trekked to school *barefooted*
went to farms
fetched water and firewood
cared for domesticated animals
did some work including trading after school to survive.
Now Group ‘A’ ,who have now become Parents themselves are *producing Group ‘B’ Children*
These group B children are
pampered
helped in their homeworks or home assignments from nursery school through secondary schools to higher institutions.
chauffeur driven to very expensive schools or are sent abroad to study.
they can watch movies from morning till dawn after school.
they are treated like baby kings and queens.
they don’t do any household chores.
Food is put on the table for them,
their plates are removed and washed by parents or house maids.
They are given expensive cars and clothes,
not forgetting *big pocket money to be wasted* !!!.
Their parents help them in doing their assignments.
In spite of all these, only few can *speak* or *write* correctly.
Group ‘A’ Parents cared for their own *parents* and *children*, Group ‘B’,their Children are still *struggling to find their feet at age 30+*.
They find it difficult to do things on their own because they are used to being helped to think and doing things by Group ‘A’. So they can’t help themselves, their parents or the society. THEY ABANDON THEIR PARENTS IN THEIR BID TO ACQUIRE THE WORLD
*Where do you belong*
Reduce the pampering and the unnecessary help you offer your children.
Let your children *grow in wisdom, intelligence and strength*.
Let them face the truth and the realities of life. Teach them to grow to become *independent adults.* Teach them to
fear God,
respect others and
develop confidence in themselves.
Parents, discipline your children to become disciplined adults, *useful* and not *useless.*
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the worst thing about being in a relationship is that you have to bath even on weekends*
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Heartbreak is wen you see your boyfriend who promised to buy you an iphone8
Dancing at a Roadshow to win a Tshirt
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I have been laughing since morning when a beautiful lady
stopped me at the corner of JMN Nkomo and 9th Ave and told me that she
is looking for
GOOGLE PLAY STORE.
I asked her Google Playstore how?
She said her WhatsApp stopped working and her
neighbour told her to go to Google Playstore and download a
new one.
Anyway as a good Samaritan I told her that Google Playstore is no
longer in Bulawayo, but they have relocated to Victoria Falls
I then put her in a bus going to Victoria Falls
.
Hope I’ve not done bad?
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Hi guys, I would like to let you know that next Monday is my last day here in Zim, I am travelling to England to study Industrial Engineering. I will be away for three years. May God be with
all. I will miss you all. Please forward this message to everyone who knows me. I have just forwarded the message as I received it. I don’t even know who is travelling.
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When a short person tells you nice hair, quickly check your zip*
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Once you realise that your wife is: beautiful,
has a great figure,
is intelligent,
gets things done on her own,
drives a car well,
has very little expectations,
is not materialistic
and
loves you with crazy devotion…
The whiskey you have consumed is of the best quality…..
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Toilet papers: R40
Newspaper: R4.50
Stone: R0
I’m not saying anything
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Sometimes you have to call Bae and say “don’t cook tonight we are having KFC”. Then switch off your phone and come back the next day.
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