A thief entered the house in the mid- afternoon..
he tied up the woman and showing knife point asked the man to hand over all the jewelleries and money…
Man started sobbing and said Bhai u take anything u want but please untie her rope….There will a big problem here.
Thief: What problem?
Man : she is my neighbors wife.. Mine will arrive shortly.

Today’s kids are so spoilt that they don’t know that in our days you could be beaten for any of the followingv reasons:

1. Crying after being beaten.
2. Not crying after being beaten
3. Crying without being beaten
4. Standing while the elders are seated
5. Sitting while the elders stand
6. Walking around aimlessly where the elders are seated.
7. Replying back to an elder
8. Not replying back to an elder
9. Spending too much time without being beaten.
10. Singing after being admonished
11. Not greeting visitors
12. Eating food prepared for the visitors.
13. Crying to go with the visitors when the visitors are leaving.
14. Refusing to eat.
15. Coming back home after sunset
16. Eating at the neighbour’s home
17. Generally being moody.
18. Generally being too excited.
19. Fighting with your age mate and losing.
20. Fighting with your age mate and winning.
21. Eating too slowly
22. Eating too quickly
23. Eating too much
24. Eating too little
25. Sleeping while the elders had already woken up
26. Looking at the visitors while they are eating
27.Stumbling and falling when walking…

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor
for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, “What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice
when you’re out of the office?”
“I give it to them,” replied the lawyer, “and then I send them a bill.”
The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills.
When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.
One word for the lawyer?

Gauteng Metro policeman pulled a car over and told the driver that
because
he had been wearing his seat belt he had just won R5 000, in an Arrive
Alive
safety competition. Being a ZIMBABIAN , the driver could hardly
believe
his luck. “What are you going to do with your
cash?” asked the traffic cop.
“Well I guess I’m going to get a drivers licence,” he answered.
“Oh, don’t listen to him,” yelled a woman in the passenger seat. “He
tries
to be smart when he’s drunk.”
This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at the cop and
moaned, “I knew we wouldn’t get far in a stolen car.” At that moment
there
was a knock from the boot and a voice said, “Are we over the border
yet?”
The cop fainted.

*LADIES HOW TO INCREASE YOUR HIPS USING HONEY*
*..take a drop of honey,rub it at your hips and buttocks then gently walk near a bee hive, within a minute if there is no change, call me. Please don’t thank me, what are friends for.