The judge says to a double murder defendant, “You’re charged with beating your wife to death with a hammer.”
A voice at the back of the courtroom yells out, “You bastard!”
The judge says, “You’re also charged with beating your mother-in-law to death with the same hammer.”
The voice in the back of the courtroom yells out, “You ROTTEN bastard!”
The judge stops and says to the man in the back of the courtroom. “Sir, I can understand your anger and frustration at these crimes, but no more outbursts from you, or I’ll charge you with contempt. Is that understood?”
The man stands up and says, “I’m sorry, Your Honour, but for fifteen years I’ve lived next door to that arsehole, and every time I asked if I could borrow a hammer, he said he didn’t have one”.
Sinkie is on his death bed
He has all his family around him
He’s about to say his final wishes so he asks for a couple of witnesses..
He then starts to speak.
Bobby my son, I leave you all of my houses..
Billy my son I leave you all the bungalows I have .
Teresa I leave you with all my flats
And finally to you Brenda my lovely wife I leave you all of the tenements that are still left …
The nurse says OMG what a generous man I never realised he was so rich ..
To which Brenda his wife says
‘Don’t be daft He was a window cleaner ‘
A couple of strangers a man and a woman were sitting next to each other on an international flight when the Captain came on the intercom and said: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m sorry to have to tell you that, due to a major systems malfunction, we will not be able to make land and we will have to put down in the ocean. I’ll be frank with you. It’s going to be extremely rough and some of you may not survive. Good luck and keep praying.”
With that, the woman turned to the man and said: “Quick! Make me feel like a real woman!” The man pulled off his shirt, handed it to the woman and said: “Here you are love, Iron this …”
