The funny thing about being a comedian is that no one knows when you’re serious, I wasn’t feeling fine last night and I texted a doctor “Hello doctor, please I’m not feeling fine, I’m having a headache all over my body, my bones are shaking, and my stomach is making a serious noise like a class full of grade11 students, I can’t even talk, please come to my house right now”
.
And the doctor just replied with “Lol” 😂😂

😏😏he thought I was joking

Have you Ever checked your phonebook list🎥😚😚
when you are broke😧??.
You find 99% of the people saved are useless!!!!

Stay away from people who suddenly text you after you’ve uploaded a new picture, they are very dangerous.

If your boyfriend spends the whole day without a saying a word to you, just know that the other relationship is going well.

The smell of KFC when you have money and
when you broke, is not the same

If your man starts bathing more than twice in a week,
just know that he is cheating

Som friends check up on u not because d care.
D just want 2be sure u’re not doing better than them

Today guys, I was sitting next to this other beautiful girl in the taxi, so I didn’t even know how to approach her as she was wearing a GUCCI t-shirt & iPhone X on her hand, & remember I’m using Mobicel R1, So I just decided to set the alarm for 5 min, I did that, after 5 min my phone started to ring, I pretended as it’s a call , I started to talk , ” hey man , are you done washing my BMW I8 & my Mercedes G63″I said, I pretended as I’m listening ” ohh man how can you wash my Nissan , but anyway it’s fine, I’ll use that one, don’t forget to clean even inside”I said , “Goodbye”…So when I was just finished talking , that Lady whom I was sitting next to , she just said “hello(smilingly)”, I replied back ” HELLO “, in my heart I knew that I’ve won her …Then she said to me “here is your battery, it fell when you were removing your phone from your pocket”, I shouted “taxi driver, drop me here” , I got off from that taxi

SHE LEFT ME BECAUSE I WAS BROKE,
NOW I USE HER NUMBER FOR BANK NOTIFICATION

Stop Answering Calls at the funeral…
someone Yesterday Said “Im at death”

Nothing says you ugly like Facebook asking
” Are you sure you want to make this your profile picture ?”

Girls express their feelings with TEARS…
Boys express their feelings with BEER…

The reason why I will always mind my business.
So this guy was beating his girlfriend on the road, I intervened, start fighting the guy, the case got to the police and the lady defended her boyfriend,
she said “I should’ve mind my business”.

Treat Me Well And I’ll Move Mountains To Make You Happy ,
Hurt Me And I’ll Drop Those Mountains On Your Head