`Some Irritating Facebook status

●I love him💕
-(Why dont you tell him in his inbox?)😕

●Who wants to take me out for lunch?🍝🍔
-(Why dont you tell your family to take you out?)

●Off to bed
-(Haiboo are we the one having your blankets?)

●I need to Unfriend some people👥👫👬
-(Really?Grow up ,why did you add them in the first place?Did you tell us when accepting or adding them?)

●I am missing him
-(Who cares!)😕

●I am bored😵
-(I’d urge you to get a life)

●All men are the same😑😐😐
-(Who told you to try them all?)

●I am Quitting Facebook.
-(So what ?!😒You want us to cry?)

●I’m back guys,I missed you so much!
-(ohh please😒,We didn’t even notice you gone😪😴)

😒

If your bae says do whatever makes you happy
just know that you already have a replacement

A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth.
The first Sunday after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes.
The second Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes.
The following Sunday, he talks for 2 hours and 48 minutes.
The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.
The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn’t
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife’s teeth in by mistake and he couldn’t shut up… 😼

I was watching a Chinese movie, suddenly the actor started to cough.
I turned off TV, lets be careful 😏

Peter goes into a pharmacy and says to the pharmacist
“Hello, could you give me con**m? I’m going to my girlfriend’s place for dinner and I think I may be in with a chance!”
The pharmacist gives him the con**m and as peter was going out he returns and says,”Give me another con**m because my girlfriend’s sister is very cute too. She always crosses her legs in a provocative manner when she sees me and I think I might strike a luck there too.” The pharmacist gives him a second con**m and as Peter was leaving again he turns back and says “Give me one more co***m because my girlfriend’s mum is still pretty cute and when she sees me she always makes eye contact and since she invited me for dinner I think she is expecting me to make a move. During dinner,peter sat with his girlfriend on d left, the sister on his right and the mum facing him. When the Dad walks in, Peter lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer.”Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all u’ve given us”.
Ten minutes after, peter was still praying “Thank you Lord for your kindness. ….”
Ten minutes go by, and peter is still praying, keeping his head down, very close to the table. They all looked at each other surprised, and his girlfriend was even more surprised than others. She gets close to him and whispered, “I didn’t know you were so religious.”Peter with his head still on the table replies, “I never knew your dad was the pharmacist!”

Thandeka I came to your place n heard you watching p**n,
so I went back coz I didn’t want to interrupt

I had a couple of jokes about unemployed people,
but none of them really worked