Teacher: “Rich the composition on “My Dog” is exactly the same as your brothers’. Did you copy his?”

Rich: “No madam, it’s the same dog

Rich’s wife was pregnant

Wife: “darling, guess what?☺

Rich: “what?”😶

Wife: “I went for the scan today and the scan revealed that I’m pregnant with a set of twins”😊☺😊

Rich: “Really? Two babies??”😨

Wife: “so who’s the father of the second child??

A wife asks her husband, “Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6.”

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, “Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?”

He replied, *”They had eggs.”*

(I’m sure you’re going back to read this again as this is the root of most marriage problems!!)

Anonymous to Dr Phil; “I am 75, have 5 wifes and also have a blessee, and cant stop sleeping with my friends’s wifes and daughters. Should I marry them also ?”
Dr Phil : “Voetsek Zuma, I know its you !”

Imagine What Church Will Be Like In The Year 2030 if care is not taken…
Pastor: Praise The Lord
Congregation: Hallelujah
Pastor: Can We Pls Open our iPads to Exodus 20:1
When U r Done Kindly Switch On Ur Bluetooth To Receive The Sermon…
Pls Have Ur Debit Cards Ready As We Collect The Tithes And Offerings….
You Can Connect To Church WiFi Using Password: Lord3732
And As For The Renovations And Donations U r Welcome To Contribute Via Cellphone Banking
The Holy Atmosphere Will Be Electric As IPads Flicker
Meanwhile… ANNOUNCEMENTS
Church Secretary: Dis Week’s Meeting Will Be Held On Various WhatsApp Groups So Pls Don’t Miss Out …
Wednesday Bible Teaching Will Be Held Live On Skype @1900GMT…
By D Way You May Follow The Pastor On Twitter For Counselling And don’t Forget Our Weekly Prayers On YouTube… God Bless us….
If care is not taken, this is how next generation children will learn their ABC. A for Apple won’t be useful anymore…. Instead:
A is for ATM
B is for Bluetooth
C is for Chatting
D is for Download
E is for Email
F is for Facebook
G is for Google
H is for Hotmail
I is for instagram
J is for Java
K is for Konga
L is for Laptop
M is for MTN
N is for Network
O is for Opera Mini
P is for PicMix
Q is for QuickTime
R is for RAM
S is for Skype
T is for Twitter
U is for USB
V is for Vista
W is for WhatsApp
X is for Xender
Y is for Yahoo
Z is for Zuma

I talked to a to a homeless man this morning
and asked him how he ended up this way.
He said, “Up until last week, I still had it all. I had plenty to eat, my clothes were washed and pressed, I had a roof over my head, I had HDTV and Internet, and I went to the gym, the pool, and the library.
“I was working on my MBA on-line. I had no bills and no debt. I even had full medical coverage.”
I felt sorry for him, so I asked, “What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?”
“Oh no, nothing like that,” he said. “No, no…. I was released from jail.”