During church service, this 16-year old pastor’s daughter stood up and said: “Praise the Lord!” Everybody shouted with joy: “Hallelujah!!”. She continued:
“Since the age of 13, I’ve been experiencing painful monthly periods. But now, after a series of Bible studies and prayers with brother Solomon in his house, my monthly periods have stopped for more than 3 months now. No more pain, no more menstruation. You can see I’m even getting fatter and prettier. We are starting to pray seriously about the small problem of vomiting, especially in the morning. Praise the Lord”.
The whole church was silent… and
Brother Solomon fainted!!!

Kamo GETS HOME AT MID-NIGHT…HIS WIFE ALREADY ASLEEP WITH A BROKEN HEART..
Kamo :My wife, please open 4 me…
…
Wife:Where are u coming from in the middle of the night…U will sleep there outside..
Kamo : Please open or else l will throw myself in the swimming pool & drown as u know, l cant swim.
.
Wife: Go ahead & throw yourself, l don’t
care…kamo THEN TOOK A BIG ROCK & THREW IT IN THE POOL..WHEN HIS WIFE HEARD THE LOUD SPLASH, SHE PANICKED, OPENED THE DOOR & RUSHED OUTSIDE, WITH JUST HER PANT & BRA ON…IMMEDIATELY, kamo RAN INTO THE HOUSE AND LOCKED HIS WIFE OUTSIDE…
Wife: Wena kamo open 4 me, this is not funny at all…
Kamo : Just wait there, l’m phoning my relatives and yours & the neighbours, so that you explain to them where you are coming from, in the middle of the night naked…

SOME GIRLS BE LIKE “I want a man who can
protect me” But They have already rejected 12
security guards .My sister what do you really
want, electric fence?

10 mins ago I was bored. So I decided to call the police.
Me: Hello, help.
Police: What happened?
Me: 5000 people are following me.
Police: Calm down, where are you?
Me: Facebook!
Police: Idiot!!!

Boss said to secretary “I want to
have sex with you just once, I’ll be
quick. I’ll pay you R1,000. I’ll
throw the money on the floor
and before you bend down to
pick it, I’ll be done. She calls and
tells her boyfriend. “Its okay but
ask for R2000 and be very quick
to pick the money”. After 4 hours
of waiting,the boyfriend calls his
girlfriend “what happened baby??
then The girl replied..”The
bastard used coins; I’m still
picking the money

Hey guys,
Please be informed that somebody is trying to spread a dangerous rumour that I have stopped DRINKING alcohol.
I therefore categorically state here that at no point did I ever attempt to stop. In fact, I have never contemplated or dreamt about it.
These are lies fabricated by my enemies who want to tarnish my good reputation by preventing my family and friends like you from offering me drinks during this festive period.
I beg of you all to stay calm and vigilant while I investigate this BLACKMAIL.
I will keep you all updated

Self Care Tips to all Husband, who take alcohol this New Year

1. Symptom : Cold and humid feet.
Cause : Glass is being held at incorrect angle (You are pouring the Drink on your feet).
Cure : Manoeuver glass until open end is facing upward…

2. Symptom : The wall facing you is full of lights.
Cause : You’re lying on the floor.
Cure : Position your body at a 90-degree angle to the floor.

3. Symptom : The floor looks blurry.
Cause : you are looking through an empty glass.
Cure : Quickly refill your glass!

4. Symptom : The floor is moving.
Cause : You’re being dragged away.
Cure : At least ask where they’re taking you!

5. Symptom : You hear echoes every time someone speaks.
Cause : You have your glass on your ear and trying to drink from it
Cure : Stop making a fool of yourself, position your glass correctly

6. Symptom : Your wife and all your kids are looking funny.
Cause : You’re in the wrong house.
Cure : Ask if they can point you to your house.

7. Symptom : The room is shaking a lot, everyone is dressed in white and the music is very repetitive.
Cause : You’re in an ambulance.
Cure : Don’t move. Let the professionals do their job

ISSUED IN PUBLIC INTEREST

I’m taking my girlfriend back to school the only reason she writes Xmas is because she doesn’t know the spelling of Chresms.
Stupid girl !!!

Don’t tell me your secrets
cause when I get to
bae’s place I’ll start
saying everything.

*I know there are so many things dat won’t be tolerated in 2018 buh these are some random QUOTES dat are free to enter 2018*

1. Being kissed does not mean you are loved.
Ask Jesus about Judas😂😂😂😂

2. 80% of cute girls are single because all boys
think she definitely has a boyfriend!
😂😂😂😂

3. Welcome to Africa where Jesus sends you a
whatsapp message and threatens to kill you if
you do not send it to 20 people😂😂😂

4. No matter how light skinned you are, your
shadow will always be black😂😂😂

5. Gaining weight while you owe me money is a
sign of Disrespect. # LOLZ😂😂😂😂

6. The distance between Egypt and Israel is
about 613km but it took moses and Israelites 40
years to complete their journey. On average each day
they walked only 43 metres, yes only 43 metres,
almost half of what Usain Bolt do in 5 seconds. I just
wish if moses was around to explain this
Laziness😂😂😂😂

7. The reason why some other guys treats you
better than your boyfriend is because they
haven’t slept with you yet.😂😂😂😂

8. Some ladies will be matching purses with
clothes But cannot match babies to their real Daddies #
WINKS *😂😂

9. MARY was a virgin and she married a
carpenter (JOSEPH). You are not a virgin and you are
waiting for a billionaire to marry you?
I will not say anything😳😂😂😂😂

10. No African girl will choose six packs over
six cars, so stop going to the gym and go to
work # FACT😂😂😂😂

11. If the government would ban women from
using makeup, a lot of kids will not recognise
their mothers😂😂😂😂

12. The only person a woman attentively
listens to and obeys sincerely and does exactly
as he say is a PHOTOGRAPHER, otherwise if you’re not a
photographer, sit down and be strong😂😂😂😂

13. You haven’t moved on if you still remember
your Ex’s phone number. I’m not gonna argue
with you.
😂😂😂

14. Slim Girls who go for jogging at dawn, what do
you want to lose again…
Your life?😂

So today I hugged a Xhosa girl immediately I received a bank notification that R125,00 has been deducted from my account