If i cheat on you for 3 months without you finding out…
Just know it’s over between us..

Being single for a long time can make you forget
how to spell releshensheep

My mom entered my room and saw me asleep. She held my head, slapped me and said to me “Fuseg your last seen on Whatsapp was 1minute ago, stand up and go buy me bread

My Ex will do anything just to make me jealous.
She even hug Trees nowadays

Dear Girls
Next time if you go through your man’s phone, don’t check if he’s cheating just go to his banking app and send yourself money

Somewhere out there, your girlfriend is telling a GTI guy
that you passed away last year

If you are single drop your picture we will tell u
where is the problem

After how long should one start being a motivational speaker on Facebook after getting their heart broken?asking for a friend

Reasons why people hate Zulus
1. Zulus have their own province KwaZulu-Natal.
2. More than 50 percent celebs are Zulus.
3. They say Zulus come to Jozi to drive taxis, but those taxis are not owned by Pedis or Vendas, they’re owned by Zulus.
4. Taxis have Zulu names (Siyaya, Ses’fikile, Inyathi etc).
5. You get a surname like Zulu (Muzi Zulu, but you wont get Albert Venda).
6. KZN GDP is the second largest in the country.
7. Most TV shows are in Zulu.
10. Zulus are the most popular ethnic group, if you go overseas they would assume you are a Zulu.
11. Jesus is from Eshowe, KZN.
12. Zulus have their own sole monarch, the most respected Kingdom.
13. They make more than one 3rd of the black population, they dominate 2 provinces, KZN and GP.
14. Zulu film, “Yesterday” was nominated for an oscar.
15. Zulu acapella “Ladysmith Black Mambazo” has won 4 Grammy Awards.
16. The Lion King is in isiZulu.
17. The only nation in the world to defeat British Red army were the Zulus.
18. If people die, they go to eZulwini “heaven” not eXhoseni or eSwazini.
19. My parents are Zulu.
20. Zulus have their own football team in the PSL.
21. The President is Zulu.
22. Zulus have their own Beer “uMqombothi”.
23. The Comrades Marathon is in KZN.
24. The Rain is Called “izulu” not “ivenda” or “ixhosa”.
25. A song becomes a hit if it has a Zulu line.
26. Almost forgot to mention i am also from KZN.
27. Inkukhu yesiZulu, utshwala besiZulu. Ikhona kodwa inkukhu yesiVenda? uVho-Chicken?

That moment when you call someone who owes you money and she don’t take your calls, you call 10 times and still no answer…“`
*Then you decide to send a message*
_”Hi lady, l’m not calling for the money issues. I just wanted to tell you that some girls were fighting for your husband in town today. It was a big match and he was just there watching and then one girl managed to escape and got in the car and they drove away”_
_*…then I press send button…*_
“`After some minutes she calls and you ignore, she keeps calling and you find 21missed calls from her and a message which reads “where was the fight, where did they go, did you recognize the girls please tell me, I’m falling apart”“`
_*just read and didn’t respond… She calls again, 5 times and I don’t answer then another message from her…*_
“`”I have your money can we meet and you tell me more…”“` “`then I reply, ok you can ewallet so that I pass by the filling station to refill then I will pick you and drive to one of the girls’ place coz I know them…“`
_after 2 mins I got an ewallet message, my money was fully paid…_
*I then switched off my phone and slept like a baby.

If someone enters the bathroom and finds you taking a bath…what’s the fist thing you gonna hide?
.
Me: hide the soap