A mature (over 40) lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Older Woman: “Is there a problem, Officer?”
Officer: “Ma’am, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?”
Older Woman: “I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.”
Officer: “Don’t have one?”
Older Woman: “Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.”
Officer: “I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.”
Older Woman: “I can’t do that. I stole this car, and I killed and hacked up the owner.”
Officer: “You what?”
Older Woman: “His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see”
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer
slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: “Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of “her vehicle.
Older woman: “Is there a problem sir?”
Officer 2: “One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.”
Older Woman: “Murdered the owner?”
Officer 2: “Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.”
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: “Is this your car, ma’am?”
Older Woman: “Yes, here are the registration papers.”
The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: “One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.”
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: “Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.”
Older Woman: “Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.”
Moral of the story? Don’t Mess With Mature Ladies!!!
A serial killer broke into a house and confronted a couple. The serial killer asks “what are your names? i would like to know my victims’ names before i kill them”. Then the woman said “my name is Elizabeth”. Then the
killer said, “i will not kill you because my mother is Elizabeth. The killer then turned to the terified man and said “HEY YOU!!, what is your name?” Then the man responded,
“i am Bob but my friends call me Elizabeth.”
Only black parents will :
1. Beat you for going a long time without being beaten
2. Crying after being beaten
3.Not crying after being beaten
4.Looking at visitors while they eat.
5. Sleeping while visitors are already woke up
6.Fighting with your peers & losing
7.Fighting with your peers & winning
8.Walking aimlessly where the visitors are seated
9.Talking back when asked a question
10. Not talking back when asked a question
Black parents have some cruel & unusual punishment techniques
IRRITATING & BORING FACEBOOK STATUS UPDATES
2. Am back pals! (So ?)
3. Am sick! (Go to the hospital!)
4. My heart is broken, I will never love again (hahahaha who is a heart surgeon or mechanic)
5. Am quitting facebook! (See u out! Do yu know how many people are on facebook? I wont miss abit)
6. Facebook is boring! (hehe cheer it up because ityu boring!)
7. Any lady /guy online? Hitma inbox for a sexchat? (Stupid pervert! This is not a fuckbook)
8. Am back! Did u miss me?(I didn’t even notice yu hadgone… Duh!)
9. Bulawayo, Jhb, China, Zim, here I come. (Hey?? Are you a Crusade?)
10. I love my man…… (Tel him inbox, not us)
11. ADD MORE..
I forgot to zip up my trouser, so a lady told me politely, “sir your garage is open” I gave her naughty smile as I zip up and asked, “Did you see my RANGE ROVER parked inside?” The lady smiles back and said “no just one small TOYOTA with two Flat tyres.
I’m still crying
I received a call in the morning and the conversation was like this:
Me: hallo
Caller: do you have a heart?
Me: yes
Caller: do you have intestines?
Me: yes I do
Caller: OK am coming to take them..
He hung up.. Eeee I was like damn wat is happening to me. Am I dreaming??
He called again after some minutes..
Me (scared) :ha hallo!
Caller: hey sorry my brother, I thought I was calling the butcher , sorry wrong number my friend…
