When my side chick don’t wanna remove my name on her bio:
.
Me: I asked you so nice dear now i’m calling my lawyer
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Ladies, please try as much as possible to look like your profile picture.
This is the 10th time I have wasted my petrol
Sometimes you just don’t realize you love someone
until they buy a car.
My sister just had a baby .. she ddnt say if its a boy or a girl
i dont know if im a uncle or an aunt”
Neighbor: Hey Mbuso, I’m at the hospital, please borrow me R1500
Mbuso : What if you die?
At church I make sure I sit next to a beautiful lady
wat if the pastor says tell you neighbour you love them
People be like ” I saw you at shoprite and you looked so serious”
bekumele ngenzeni?
ngihleke nama rice?
A guy in the store on his cell said “Susan, I’m in my car on my way” so I yelled “No he’s not” because nobody lies to Susan in front of me.
bank teller: Sir your bank account is overdrawn.
Me: so are your eyebrows.
My father left me when I was 2years old, Mom says he went to buy milk and never came back…so if you see him by any chance, please tell him not to buy the milk anymore, I drink Castle lite now.
A beer company was hiring a taster,😅
someone to
taste the beers😊
before selling out😑.
So they placed adverts😎 & one
afternoon, a dirty,
rough looking man walks 🚶♂️into de
Manager’s office😊
asking to be employed.😋
The manager tried to figure out how
he could
drive ds man away 😏but couldn’t come
up with
an idea😪, so he decided to give the
man a trial.😛
He ordered his secretary to give de
man a glass
of wine😊, he takes a sip & said “Its
red wine,😊 a
muscat,🙂
three years old🤗, grown on a north
slope, matured in a steel
containers☺.”
That’s correct😧! The manager
exclaimed, well
give him
another one🤠 lets see. So he was
giving, he takes a sip again 😌& said
” Its red wine🙃, cabernet, eight
years old,😌 southwestern slope, oak
barrels🤤”
Incredible😱! said de manager.
Now de manager went closer to de
secretary 😁& whispered to her saying ”
go get
some of ur urine🙄
in a cup lets see if he will get
dat.✊✊✊
So de man was given the cup
of urine😆,he takes a sip, turns to d
manager & said 🙄”Female urine,😏
26years old🤔, 2 weeks pregnant 🤨& if
i’m not
given dis job😑, sir i will
tell your wife who is responsible
for the pregnancy”😌
Sitting in class wondering who would die
if one of the lights fell down.
Coloured People Like Starting Fights Out Of Anything!!😥…I Was In A Taxi Minding My Business
This Guy Looks At Mew And Asks ” Ekse Bra , Why You Quiet? ”
I’m Like ” Dude , I’m Alone…”
He Says ” Ohh … So Now You Wanna Tok ?…I Will Moer You Now Now Sanie …!!”
“BATO”
Isang araw naligaw si Pedro at Juan sa isang gubat at nakaramdam sila ng pagkagutom ng may tinig silang narinig.
“KAYONG DALAWA DUMAMPOT KAYO NG MALAKING BATO..”
Kinuha ni Pedro ay malaking bato. Samantalang si Juan ay maliit palibhasa tamad nga.Nagsalita ulit yung mahiwagang tinig.
“KUNG GAANO KALAKI ANG BATO NA NAKUHA NYO YAN ANG TINAPAY NA KAKAININ NYO…..”
Badtrip si Juan.Nagsalita ulit yung mahiwagang tinig.
“DUMAMPOT ULI KAYO NG MALIIT NA BATO”
Knuha ni Pedro ay maliit na bato. Samantalang si Juan ay malaki ang kinuha kasi nabitin sa pagkain. Sabi ng mahiwagang tinig…
“IHAGIS NYO ANG BATONG HAWAK NYO……………KUNG ANO ANG LAYO NG BATONG HINAGIS NYO ITO ANG MAGIGING HABA NG BUHAY NYO”
Badtrip na talaga si Juan. Nagutos muli ang mahiwagang tinig…
“KUMUHA ULI KAYO NG BATO PERO NGAYON DALAWANG BATO”
Kumuha si Pedro ng dalawang maliit na bato. Samantalang si Juan ay nag-isip. Di mo na ako magugulangan… Hehehe… Kumuha si Juan na isang maliit at isang malaking bato… Ano ka ngayon sabi ni Juan…
Nagsalita ulit ang mahiwagang tinig…
“KUNG ANO ANG SUKAT NG BATONG HAWAK HAWAK NYO YAN ANG MAGIGING SUKAT NG ITLOG NINYO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Meeting someone new is very stressful
You’ll have to start pretending like you have sense..!
Don’t trust too much; Don’t love too much;
Don’t hope too much, Because that “too much”
Can hurt you so much..!