BREAKING NEWS.
Zimbabweans can now smile.
President Emmerson Mnangangwa has approved the bill to start payment for all unemployed Zimbabweans within the age of 18-55 years.
They will be paid an allowance of US$250 monthly starting from monday 14/06/2018. All university allowances of US$2000 has been granted to all university students.
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Ladies, sorry to say this…
But if you looking for a perfect man to love you, you won’t find him because he was hung on the cross many years ago.
My advice to you is “Bamba lokho okuvukile”.
Stepfather: “what must i bring back for my kids?”😎
Kids: “Bring back our real father”
I always try to cheer myself up by singing
when I’m sad. Most of the time,
it turns out that my voice is worse
than my problems.
–
Dear Alcohol
We had a deal where you would make me funnier,
smarter and a better dancer……..
I saw the video of myself……. We need to talk.
Why can’t Satan just swallow his pride and
go and apologise to God so that we can
go back to the Garden of Eden and
stay naked coz clothes are too expensive.
*Lady 1:*
My husband has swallowed a Paracetamol by mistake,
what shall I do now ?
.
.
.
*Lady 2:*
Give him some headache now,
why waste the medicine
Tr: class, what do we call a person who makes all things right? Who still loves us even when we wrong them? Who makes all our problems disapear? Who is always there for us? Who always supports and loves us no matter wat?
The class went quiet untill little Nyaa said in a small voice:
‘Its a Mother’
Sunday I will be offline so I say to you: happy mothers day to all mothers and mother figures.
Alive or passed on, pliz type
”I love u mom’
_*A SINCERE APOLOGY:*_
_A man received this message from his neighbor_…
_”Sorry sir_, _I have been using your wife day and night when you are not at home, in fact_, _much more than you do_.
_I confess this now because I am feeling very guilty_. _Hope you will accept my sincere apologies_.” _I will pay if you wish to charge service fee_
Immediately after reading the message, the man shot his wife dead.
A few minutes later, he received another message:
“Sorry sir, a spelling mistake…
I meant _*WiFi*_ not ~Wife~.”
Patience is a Virtue.
What do you call the security
outside Samsung Galaxy shop??
–
Guardians of the Galaxy
Wife hit her husband (Rich) with her frying pan
Rich: “what was that for…?”😡
Wife: “I found a paper in your pocket with the name Jenny on it”😠
Rich: “I took part in a race last week and Jenny was the name of my horse”😐
Wife: “Oh sorry”😢
(Next day wife hit him with her frying pan again)😐
Rich: “What now…?”😩
Wife: “Your horse is on the phone
I don’t trust girls who visit me with Large Handbags.
I once lost a Fridge,
Washing Machine and my brother
Let’s do more talking.
Because I believe what makes people distant from each other is that each one builds their own scenario.
Each one analyses what happens according to their mind, their thoughts and how they see things.
Let’s explain things that go in circles inside our minds so we would meet at a point.
The wife checked her husband’s phone and found these names:
– The tender one
– The amazing one
– Lady of my dreams
She got angry and called the first number to find out that was his mother. Then she called the second number on which his sister replied . When she dialed the third number her own phone rang !!!!
She cried until her eyes got swollen because she had doubted her innocent husband, so she gave him her whole months salary to make up for it.
Husband took the money and bought a gift for his girlfriend whose name was saved as “Ghafoor mechanic”
Ladies sikwi Relationship not Catering business
so umuntu makasuke kubo edlile
Swimming pool.
2% water.
3% chlorine.
95% ihi, libag, dura, laway, dumi, sipon at iba pang elemento.
Tanong, maliligo ka pa ba?