The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic awhile back.
“Doesn’t it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?”
“Not a bit,” the husband replied. “I just tell them I’m filling up the plate for you!”

A couple of young children are at day care one day when one of the little girls approaches Tommy and says, “Hey, Tommy, wanna play house?”

“Sure! What do you want me to do?” he asks.

The little girl replies, “I want you to communicate your feelings.”

“Communicate my feelings?” questions a bewildered Tommy. “I have no idea what that means…”

The little girl smirks and says, “Perfect. You can be the husband.”

I was at the customer-service desk, returning a pair of jeans that was too tight.

“Was anything wrong with them?” the clerk asked.

“Yes,” I said. “They hurt my 
feelings.”

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having 
a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist’s work. They finally went with mine.

“I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral,” I said.

“No,” said the boy. “Your painting’s wider, so it’ll cover three holes in 
our wall.”

Client: Please remove the unnecessary circle at the end of the sentence.

Me: You mean … the period?

Client: I don’t care what you designers call it; it is unsightly. Delete it.